Dear Black People of the Internet

Guys, we need to talk.


1.  The cookout ain't real, y'all.

So can we stop blaming Black people who supposedly granted invites to the cookout to Mayosapiens when they inevitably get caught up in self-inflicted controversies?  First of all, the cookout ain't even real, yo.  We are in no danger of a horde of White folk flooding our cookouts, invitations in hand, and eating all of Auntie's potato salad before we can even get there.  Repeat after me: The cookout is a figment of our collective Black imagination.  Invitations to it exist only on the mythical plane, somewhere between a fair criminal justice system, and a bid whist game without your Uncle June cheating.  Therefore, and by virtue of being Not Real, we cannot blame the bad actions of White people on the Black folks that supposedly invited them.  Real talk?  There is no White person alive that is only racist because somewhere along the line, a Black person told them it was okay.  Ain't never worked that way, ain't never gonna work that way.  White people do not, and have never required our permission to be racist.

2. Black people can think/talk about more than one thing at a time.

I hardly even know how to address this one, because it's so gaht damn demeaning.  Every time Something Awful happens, and Black people try to engage in a little self healing by deliberately seeking distraction and talking about something silly instead of letting the grief break us, what happens?  You've experienced this, right?  Some asshole has to come and remind us that Something Awful has happened, and to accuse us of caring more about the rap beef or Twitter feud or whatever the hell it is that we're using so that not all 24 hours of the day are taken up with heartache.  I'm not sure if the person trying to chastise me is so fucking stupid that they honestly can't conceive holding 2 different thoughts in their head at the same time, but I'm pretty good at it.  I can be grieving about Something Awful, amused at Black Twitter, and still mad that the 'Hood Wendy's on a'hunned 'leventh street fucked my order up 2 weeks ago.  Black people are capable of multiple thoughts and feelings at once, and are even allowed to express that.  We are complex beings.  Well, maybe you aren't, but the rest of us are.

3. Black people are allowed to love and revel in their hair, no matter what. 

I don't care if you cut off a literal pony's tail.  If it's on your head and you like it, I love it.  You are not more woke because you don't have straight hair, and you are not less woke because your curl pattern is a little looser.  How I choose to wear my hair is just that -- a choice.  A personal decision.  Can we not judge sisters that prefer a long, straight weave or a relaxer?  Can we not prop up OR denigrate sisters that, through a trick of genetics, have hair more curly than kinky?  And we most certainly need to not knock our kinkiest sisters for their beautiful coils.  No one needs to be telling anyone else what they need to do with their hair, or judging their sisters for their personal preferences.  Black hair is beautiful, and you know what Black hair is?  Hair that is on the head of a Black person.

Til' next time,

Geechee Anne