Ain't Nothing Wrong With the Man Weave

Wade Menendez resurrects a client's hair. (Maquita Peters/NPR)

Wade Menendez resurrects a client's hair. (Maquita Peters/NPR)

I have seen at least 3 pieces on the Man Weave, the latest and most detailed here at NPR.  Three pieces means that this is officially a trend, y'all.  And NPR is covering it, so you know this is Serious Business.  The piece opens with a picture of Wade Menendez, the guy who runs a Man Weave school, approaching his be-weaved client with the same intensity of Jesus approaching the tomb of Lazarus.  Various students/disciples are arrayed behind him, their expressions ranging from shocked wonderment to one sister who looks like she wonders if the jerk chicken place across the street is still open.  But when I tell you he has performed an anointing on this man's head and resurrected his hair!  Geechee Anne is here to tell you, gon' head and get yo' man weave, brothers!

Sadly, before Man Weave, many balding brothers cried in the car on the way home from the barber shop. (GifSoup)

Sadly, before Man Weave, many balding brothers cried in the car on the way home from the barber shop. (GifSoup)

'Cause let's be honest--not everyone is cut out for the bald look.  I mean, if that's you, then do you.  The bald look can be incredibly sexy.  But some folk are out here only pretending to want to rock the bald look, when really it's because they thought they were out of viable hair options.  Some brothers came to a sad realization at some point of their lives -- either through serious self-reflection or just the actual reflection that comes from cleaning your mirror -- that yes, everyone, and especially Fine Shorty Over There, can tell that they've progressed beyond the thinning phase and are actively, actually balding, or past tense baldED.  So these men did the male version of the Big Chop and shaved those last 5 hairs that they thought they were successfully blending into a convincing fade and thereafter pretended that they were voluntarily choosing the bald look.  But every time they went back to the barber to get those 5 hairs shaved off again, they would cry in the car before they could drive home.  My people, that is because our dear brothers did not realize that follicular salvation was upon us in this blessed year of our lord, 2017.

Sorcery! (Maquita Peters/NPR)

Sorcery! (Maquita Peters/NPR)

Look at this sorcery!  Look at it!  If you don't have the shapeliest cranium nor the facial features to pull off having ne'er a follicle on your head, then get thee to a weavologist.  Go straight to the chair.  Do not pass go, unless it's to collect $200 for your Man Weave installation.  And for the brothers with the sketchy beards that won't grow right, looking perennially 15 by the chin -- NPR says they doing beard weaves now too.  Baby boy, this could change yo' life!